Sacrifice At What Cost?
by WrittenInShadows
Summary: They'd been through a lot. They laughed, cried and fought together, seen each other at their best and worst but nothing prepared Jude for the state he would find Conrad in when he had to tear him away from Nic's lifeless body. Conrad wasn't the only one affected, all at Chastain felt the weight of her loss. Even Bell. Mina turns to AJ to grieve and Devon gets a reality check


**Please review. I would really appreciate the feedback and it helps give me ideas/motivates me but of course most importantly enjoy!**

"You've been exposed" Conrad had told her, he tried to appear level headed right now but she could feel his fear..

"I know" she said trying be brave but in all honesty she was terrified. There was no time for her to regret it now and she didn't, she had saved Meqg's life and that was what she had become a nurse to do...

As the hours past and both patients lay dead in their beds Nic sat on the floor, knees to chest, she was starting to get the chills. The fever was setting in and she already knew what that meant. Conrad had been off with Alec and Jude, who had made a reappearance at the worst possible time. They were working on finding a cure for her and finding other patients who could be at risk since they were worried the virus was still spreading somehow. They set up other quarantine areas which meant Nic had to sit alone with two dead bodies until someone could find the time to carefully get them out of there and she knew that wouldn't happen anytime soon. She knew that Conrad was doing everything he could to save her but all she really wanted was for him to hold her.

When he returned to check on her and took the necessary precautions to enter the quarantined area she got up quickly and ran to him, hugging him tightly as she tried to ignore the pounding in her head and the ringing in her ears. "I'm scared" she whispered although the fear she felt was not the cause for her body to shake uncontrollably, it was the virus viciously tearing through her immune system.

"You're going to be okay" he said as he held her a little tighter, he could feel her body sinking into him so he carefully helped her sit down, not letting go of her the entire time.

"But just in case...you have to know..." she trailed off as she felt herself slipping into unconsciousness.

When she woke again she was hooked up to a few different machines, Conrad was sat beside her holding her hand. He was still wearing the protective gear and she was grateful for that because she honestly worried he would do something stupid and let himself die in there along with her. "Hey" he said softly, barely above a whisper.

"Hi" she said quietly before sitting up slowly. "I'm dying aren't I?" she asked quietly.

"No. Don't you dare talk like that" he tried to sound determined but he looked defeated and scared.

"There's some things I need to tell you before..." she trailed off she couldn't even say it. He was going to say something but she interrupted him. "I don't want you to ever doubt how much I love you. I can't die knowing I left this tension unresolved. I know you're probably worried about Alec and I but I know you'll act like you're not for my sake and I appreciate that but you have to know nothing happened between us" she bit her lip and looked down, she couldn't look at him when she said the next part. "But I have thought about it" when she said that Conrad felt pain as if someone had punched him in the gut. He stood up unsure if he could sit through listening to what she had to say but she gently pulled him back down again. "Only because he reminds me of you when I first met you. I'm not saying I want that version of you back but I do want that version of us back. Before things were complicated, before the miscarriage. Every time you talk about us getting more serious my heart stops, I panic because if we moved in together what's next? Marriage? Inevitably kids...kids I might not be able to give to you" she felt the tears burn hot in her eyes.

"Nic..don't..." he trailed off, what could he say? She had been feeling this way all this time and he didn't even know.

"I couldn't give you what you wanted, not to mention I've got my hands full with Jessie" then her mind went to that. "I'm just glad she's in rehab now so I don't have to worry about her ending up dead too" she looked at him. " I'm sorry I didn't tell you all this before I just...I was scared. Scared I wasn't good enough for you anymore. Before when we first got back together we were both broken and damaged and weirdly it made me feel better. It was easier for me to talk to you back then because I knew you wouldn't get into the conversation. I wanted so badly for you to be able to just let me in and now that you have and you're in such a better place I feel left behind" everything was just pouring out of her in a sea of emotion. Conrad had no idea she felt this way. "I don't want you to resent me for that okay?"

"I love you. Kids or no kids, nothing is ever perfect but you're more than enough for me. I'm not going to stop loving you just because you can't see yourself the way I see you"

"I love you too" she smiled but there was a sadness in her eyes. She would be dead within a few hours if they didn't figure something out.

There moment was interrupted when Jude and Alec walked in, Conrad quickly blinked back the tears that had been building behind his eyes before turning to face them. "I think we've got something" Jude said before Alec could speak, Alec's eyes were planted firmly on Nic who appeared to be getting paler and weaker by the second. Conrad squeezed her hand gently as an attempt at some sort of reassurance before walking out to them, discarding the safety equipment and leaving the area with them. He was hoping with all his heart that they would have found a way to cure Nic but unfortunately that wasn't the case. They had only managed to piece together that no one else had caught the virus aside from the few who showed symptoms. There was a possibility that it wasn't as contagious as they had once thought but of course they still had to keep Nic in quarantine just to be safe and they were still no closer to getting answers which was frustrating to say the least. The three cared for Nic and that could be seen as both a good and bad thing in this situation.

When Conrad had returned to check on Nic a second time she wasn't doing good, things went from bad to worse when she started having a seizure. Her vitals were dropping and there was a risk of aspiration. Conrad rushed as he tried to get what he needed but there was no time to think of his safety and he made the choice to sacrifice himself in the same way Nic had just hours earlier. She began coughing up blood, Conrad quickly repositioned her and got to work on trying to stop the bleeding since the seizure had subsided on it's own.

He was doing his best to keep her alive but when one problem subsided a new one would arise. She was shivering and so weak but she used her last bit of strength to gently grab his hand to get his attention. "C-can y-you j-just h-hold m-me" she struggled to speak.

He looked down at her, tears filling his eyes as he gently scooped her up and sat down on the edge of the blood-soaked bed and held her. This was it...there final moments. "Ships passing in the night" she mumbled weakly as she shut her eyes. Part of a phrase that Conrad had told her often when they were stuck on a horrible work schedule and they were on opposite shifts. They would be unable to see each other for awhile but it made those moments when one would warily crawl into bed to meet the other all the more important. This was her way of saying her goodbyes without saying goodbye. It was more of a see you later than a goodbye because it was her hope that they would meet again in another life.

"Just two ships passing" he whispered softly and kissed her head gently. "I love you" and he just held her like that as she drifted but once she fully lost consciousness the realisation and the panic hit him. He laid her down gently and started CPR, his heart was racing so fast he could feel it in his ears. Alec watched the horrific scene unfold and Devon had joined him when he had heard the deafening sound of the flatline.

Devon went to rush to help but Alec gently pulled him back. "Leave him be for a bit...she's gone" Alec decided it would be best to let Conrad do what he needed to do. There was no point in trying to save someone who couldn't be saved. Still be understood Conrad's efforts, it was a difficult thing to watch. To see a man's whole life shatter in a matter of seconds...


End file.
